


backseat serenades

by novaks



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bottom Dean, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Impala, Through the seasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-27 15:50:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5054689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novaks/pseuds/novaks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eight things only the Impala knows about Dean and Cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	backseat serenades

**Author's Note:**

> based on episode 11.04 (think of each piece as a deleted scene because i was picturing the screen going black before and after each of these)  
> if it isn't clear at which point in the show each scene is supposed to happen, i put some references in the notes at the end.

I.

A few hours after Anna angels up and Uriel and Castiel disappear with vague threats, Dean is sitting in the Impala in a Biggerson’s parking lot.

He didn’t trust the angels, not at all, but he thought his last conversation with Castiel on the park was a sign that hey, maybe they’re not that bad, right?

Apparently he was wrong. Big time wrong. Not only did he listen to that dickhead Uriel talk about how he would torture and kill Sam if he didn’t give him Anna, he had to disappoint her with his terrible life choices – not that he would’ve chosen differently, but that doesn’t really make him feel better.

And there was the whole thing he told Sam, about Hell, about what he was becoming down there.

He was out of the door right after he and Sam were done telling Bobby about what happened, not giving them time to complain about him driving alone at this hour of the night. He said something about buying dinner but now he’s sitting inside his car watching fewer and fewer people make their way into and out of the restaurant.

Thinking that deeply about his time with Alastair always made him feel sick afterwards, but talking about it managed to make him feel worse. Now Sam knows what Dean is capable of, he knows about this dark part of him that seems to be always present no matter how much he tried to let go of it.

He is contemplating the idea of buying something for Sam and Bobby only and telling them he ate his food on his way back when he hears a whooshing sound coming from the seat next to his.

“Hello, Dean.”

He doesn’t turn his head because he thinks that maybe if he ignores Castiel enough the guy will go away.

Like Dean could be that lucky.

“You’re mad,” Castiel continues.

This time he huffs a laugh. “What makes you say that?”

“Uriel manipulated you to give us Anna by threatening your brother,” he says. “I’m sure it wasn’t pleasant.”

Dean nods. “Yeah, that might’ve pissed me off a little.”

Castiel must get some kind of clue that he doesn’t wanna talk to him because he doesn’t say anything for some time. Dean leans his head against the car seat and goes back to watching the people inside the restaurant.

He’s almost getting out when Castiel speaks again, “I didn’t know about his plans. I wouldn’t have let him proceed with it if I did.”

That actually makes Dean look at him. Cas is looking at him back, his eyes wide and honest. He seems miserable.

Good. He should be.

“A few weeks ago you told me you aren’t a hammer.”

Castiel’s face goes blank for a moment and he moves his gaze away.

“And yet you just stood there and let him have his way.” Dean really wish he could throw a punch right now but, you know, celestial being and all that. God knows what the guy is actually capable of.

“I’m not here to make excuses for my actions,” Castiel says after some time. “But it wasn’t my intention to bring anyone pain.”

Dean laughs humorlessly at that. “Right.”

“It wasn’t. Dean, they told me Anna was a dangerous woman and it was of utmost importance bringing her back to Heaven. They said she was a threat to you and your brother.”

If it was anyone else telling him that, Dean wouldn’t believe it. But in moments like this, just the two of us, he likes to believe Castiel is honest with him.

When Dean says nothing, Castiel continues, “But the moment I saw her, I knew it there was something wrong. I should’ve said something.” He pauses. “I… apologize.”

“It’s not to me you have to apologize, but to Anna,” Dean says, annoyed. “She almost died today for a reason you don’t even know about.”

Castiel nods. “Yes, once I locate her I’ll talk to her.” 

Dean knows this is the best apology he’s gonna get out of him. He means to say their conversation is over, but what comes out of his mouth is, “He said you like me.”

Cas frowns and tilts his head.

“Uriel, when he threatened Sam. He said it’s your weakness,” he explains.

Cas looks out of the window. “It isn’t common for an angel to talk to humans. Uriel doesn’t like it, he says you are capable of affecting our loyalty to God.”

“Why?” Dean asks.

Cas hesitates. “Humans ask too many questions, it might influence us to start having doubts. Angels don’t doubt their orders.”

“You told me you have doubts already,” Dean says, “that day in the park.”

Castiel looks at him. He has that look on his face that makes Dean feel like he’s being stripped of his skin and baring his soul.

He doesn’t answer him, instead he says, “I should be going. They’ll start questioning my absence if I’m gone for too long.”

Dean doesn’t get to say anything after that because the next moment he hears the whooshing sound again and Cas is no longer by his side.

He sighs and passes his hand over his face and hair. What a fucking long day. He counts to ten and gets out of the car, thinking of excuses he could say to Sam and Bobby to explain why he took so long.

 

II.

When they’re back inside the car, Dean suggests maybe they should check another brothel. Cas vehemently shakes his head and says he would rather go back to the house.

Dean drives in silent for a few moments until he huffs a laugh and says, “Man, wouldn’t’ve pegged you for a pure, innocent angel.”

Cas, who was staring at the landscape outside, looks at him and frowns.

“I mean, with whole personal space problem and the intense looks I guessed someone had caved in at some point.”

And then it hits him that he basically said _Dean_ could’ve caved in for Cas and feels himself blushing.

Thankfully, Cas just looks away. “I’ve always been too busy to think about sex.”

“Really?” Dean should let it go, but he can’t for some reason. “It’s not like you guys had much to do upstairs before I went to Hell, right?”

“Some angels used to come to Earth to help people with their prayers,” Cas says. “But most of us were in a sort of… numb state for the most part of the century.”

Dean hums. “Were _you_ in a numb state or whatever?”

“Sometimes. I used to watch humans a lot – you can do amazing things once you put your mind into it.” Cas looks at him again. His gaze is so intense, it’s like he can read every thought that crosses Dean’s mind.

Dean nods and looks back at the road. He doesn’t know what to say to that, _“Yeah, we can be amazing with our thirst for power and lack of compassion for others.”_

They stay quiet for some time – and how weird is that his silences with Cas can be so comfortable and not send him spiraling towards an anxiety attack, like his silences with Sam for example? – until Cas says, “Besides, it’s not like I’ve ever found someone I’d be willing to share such an intimate moment with.”

Well, Dean wasn’t expecting that. “Sex doesn’t have to be intimate, you can do it just to have fun.” He pauses. “Wait, you never wanted to jump someone’s bones?”

Cas looks at him like he’s grown a second head. “I have no idea what that means.”

“You never wanted to undress someone and kiss every inch of their skin?” He smirks jokingly.

Cas blushes at that. “I—Angels don’t have skin, or wear clothes, so there would be no point in wanting to do those things.”

“You never felt that about any of those humans you watched?”

This time Cas’ face goes almost purple, as does his neck and ears. He rubs his neck, the same way he did when Dean first asked him if he’s been with women before.

“Hey, it’s fine. Some people like some types of people, some like all and I’m sure some like none,” Dean tells him. He means it in a soothing way. Whatever category Cas thinks he belongs to Dean’s fine with it.

“I’m not a person, Dean,” Cas says, his voice tight.

“Right. Well, I’m sure it applies to angels too.”

Cas’ voice is hesitant when he speaks next, “A relationship between angels and humans isn’t allowed. Even if I felt it about a human there is nothing I could do without being charged with treason.”

“That’s bullshit, if you ask me. Everyone should be allowed to love whoever the fuck they want.” He’s angry now. Who would’ve thought angels can be assholes just like humans? Dean should’ve seen it coming if he was being honest.

The way Cas looks at him then makes he feel like what he said hit really close to home. So maybe Cas loves – or has loved – a human at some point. Hell, maybe it’s not even love, maybe it’s something purely sexual since their conversation started with that, but somehow Dean doesn’t think that’s it. Either way, Cas shouldn’t feel like shit for liking the person he does. He shouldn’t go through what Dean has so many times.

He reaches out and squeezes Cas’ knee. “You can love whoever you want, Cas. Don’t ever let those douchebags tell you otherwise.”

Cas’ eyes are so bright and wide Dean thinks for a moment he might start crying. He swallows and looks away. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean nods and puts both hands back on the wheel.

They don’t talk again after that.

 

III. 

“I thought you were dead,” he pants against Cas’ mouth. “That angel killed you, he—”

“Dean.” Cas kisses him like his life depends on it. “It’s okay. I’m here.”

Dean moans as Cas fucks harder into him. They’re in the Impala’s backseat and he’s lying under Cas with both his legs wrapped around his waist. It’s cramped and a little uncomfortable, but they didn’t have time to go anywhere better in the frenzy that followed the moment they started kissing.

Dean was a mess after Cas left them in Bobby’s house. He was pissed that Cas approved of Balthazar using them as distraction for Raphael and then vanished without a good explanation. Besides, that fucking parallel world really fucked with his head. First they were actors, and then Sam wasn’t his brother, and there was a frigging _tv show_ about their lives. As if a book series wasn’t bad enough.

And there was the fact that Cas’ whatever-the-hell-he-was died because of them. He didn’t know the guy and barely talked to him at all, but it made him think of Cas being in his place and well—

Dean really was a mess.

He went outside once Sam and Bobby had gone to sleep, sat on the hood of the Impala, and prayed for 15 minutes until Cas showed up glaring at him saying he was busy.

He screamed that he couldn’t believe what Cas was letting himself become, at which Cas responded saying Dean had no idea what was happening in Heaven _. “Of course I don’t, Cas! You ain’t telling me anything!”_

He was surprised neither Sam nor Bobby came out to see what was happening. Dean told him about all the times Cas just disappeared on them with no explanation, or worse, didn’t even show up. At this point Cas wasn’t even making excuses anymore, he just stood there and glared at Dean like he was waiting for him to shup up so he could fly away again.

Dean got so pissed he screamed, “I had to watch you die! You sent us there and now you’re dead!”

Cas’ face actually softened after that. “It wasn’t me, Dean. His name was Misha, and while it’s sad he had to die in such a way, I’m still here.”

Dean shook his head, put both hands on the Impala’s hood, and let his head hang between his shoulders. He was almost sure Cas would be gone when he turned around again, but he was still there, looking miserable like seeing Dean that way pained him.

Dean didn’t even think if what he was doing was the wrong thing, he just walked over to where Cas was standing and smashed their mouths together.

Cas tried to protest that they shouldn’t do this when they’re so angry, but Dean told him he needed this, needed to be close to Cas right now, otherwise he would collapse right there on Bobby’s salvage yard.

It was like a dam opened up beneath Cas’ skin. He was pushing Dean against the Impala’s side the next moment and growling against his mouth, “Where’re your keys?”

Dean opened the car and they started taking off their clothes before getting inside it – Dean really hoped Sam and Bobby were still asleep. Once they were down to their pants and shirts, Dean got into the car and Cas followed him right after.

He didn’t have lube nearby, but Cas was an angel and apparently making a bottle of lubricant appear from thin air was on the list of “Things Angels can do”. Dean was sure Cas used his grace’s help to make prep go faster, but Dean didn’t feel any pain and almost screamed from joy the moment Cas bottomed out.

He started babbling nonsense half way through it and Cas kissed him every time Dean tried to say something about losing him.

He tightens his legs around Cas as he feels his orgasm build up. Cas is now sucking a bruise on Dean’s neck that will probably show tomorrow, but he couldn’t care less about it. He brings his arms around Cas’ shoulders and buries his right hand on his hair, the other scratching his back.

They’ll both be bruised tomorrow – well, Cas won’t since he can heal himself the moment they’re done –, but Dean just wants to feel Cas against him, under his hands, around his body.

He comes with a shudder after a particular hard thrust against his prostate and keeps holding Cas until he comes inside him, a few moments later.

They don’t talk. Dean is afraid to open his mouth and say something he’ll regret later or that’ll make Cas move from above him. He listens to their breaths and tries not to feel grossed out by the come drying on his stomach and leaking from his hole.

Less than ten minutes later, Cas starts moving and he thinks good things really can’t last, can they? Cas moves his hand and their come is gone and they’re dressed again. Count on the guy to really ruin the moment.

“We shouldn’t have done this. I don’t like doing this when we’re angry,” Cas says, now sitting down.

“Never heard of make up sex?” Dean smirks, sitting next to him, only their knees touching.

“Did it feel like make up sex to you?” Cas asks. “I’m fairly certain you’re still angry with me. With reason.”

Dean sighs. “I’m just angry ‘cause these days it seems like you don’t tell me stuff anymore, Cas.” He reaches for Cas’ thigh but he moves away. “I just want you to tell me what’s going on, maybe I can help and you don’t have to throw me and Sam into these situations anymore.”

Cas shakes his head. “You can’t help me, Dean. What I’ve done—”

Dean waits for him to continue but he doesn’t. Instead he says, “I have to go. I’ve been away long enough.”

And now it’s like the last half hour never happened and he’s pissed again. “Yeah, okay. Just go, it’s not like I mind.”

Cas hesitates for a moment but moves his hand to place it on top of Dean’s. “I’m sorry.”

Dean keeps his eyes on the car’s floor, only raising them when he hears the familiar sound of wings and feels that Cas’ hand is gone.

What a mess of a day.

 

IV. 

By the time Sam comes back to the motel, Dean has turned the burners off and is sitting on his bed.

Sam tells him what happened but he’s barely paying attention, his mind wandering on what Jo’s told him. No matter what she said, Dean will always blame himself for hers and her mother’s death.

He feels like he’s gonna throw up.

He probably cuts Sam mid-sentence and says something about going out for some air. He walks to the Impala and puts his hands on her hood, head hanging between his shoulders. After three deep breaths he looks up at her and tries to clear his head.

He doesn’t think he’s gonna get any sleep tonight – not that that’s uncommon. By now he’s already used to going almost two days with no sleep. He pretends to be asleep so Sam doesn’t ask any questions, but every time he closes his eyes he remember that lake and remembers what happened.

Every time he manages to fall asleep he’s underwater and he’s trying to reach for something – someone – that he can’t find and he’s getting desperate and the water is turning black and—

He notices he closed his eyes at some point while thinking about it. Dean looks around the parking lot but he’s the only one out here. He swallows and walks around the Impala. Sitting behind her wheel always calmed him down in some way, so he goes to open the passenger door when he remembers something.

Something that’s inside the trunk of the car.

He knows this is probably the stupidest thing he’s ever thought about doing, but it’s like his feet have a life of its own and before he sees it he’s already opened the trunk.

Cas’ trenchcoat is staring back at him.

He tightens his grip on the trunk lid, feeling the metal digging on his skin. He knows this is just gonna make everything worse and he’s gonna feel miserable tomorrow, but he’s so tired, he’s so fucking—

He takes the trenchcoat and closes the trunk. He opens the backseat’s door and lays the coat on the seat so he can take off his jacket. He lies down on his side and puts the folded jacket under his head and the trenchcoat over his body like a blanket.

It doesn’t smell like Cas. He had to wash the coat after he retrieved it from the water, but that was weeks ago so now it just smells like… clothes, fabric.

Cas had a very distinctive scent. It was a mix of what Dean thinks was Jimmy’s aftershave and something that makes him think of the sun, of static.

It doesn’t really make sense if he thinks about it.

He grips the coat’s sleeve and pretends it’s Cas’ hand instead, pretends that it’s Cas around him and not just his clothes.

He lets himself cry as loud as possible and hopes Sam doesn’t come looking for him. Exhaustion claims him after an hour and he falls asleep with tears on his face.

 

V. 

He tries following who he thinks is Cas into the road to Twin Pines Resort. When he reaches the parking lot, he turns the car off, gets out and goes into the building, looking for the reception desk.

He spots a girl sitting by the desk and asks her if she’s seen someone wearing a dirty trenchcoat and a beard walking around. She looks confused and doesn’t say anything for a moment, but ends up shaking her head and saying she’s pretty sure no one looking like that has entered the resort in the last hour.

He thanks her and goes back to his car. He sits inside for ten minutes trying to understand what just happened, if this is it and he’s actually going crazy after all these years.

But he saw someone. He saw _Cas_ , he’s sure of it. No one else would be wearing the same trenchcoat and have the same disheveled hair. He’s made a habit of looking at him, trying to memorize everything he could, after he disappeared twice in the last couple years. He knows the curve of his jaw, the color of his eyes, the rise of his cheekbones. He knows how Cas stands, always tense and stiff. He knows the low tone of his voice and the strong shape of his hands.

He knows he saw Castiel on the road and now he’s gone and he just—

He takes deep breaths and tries to calm himself. He’s tired and he’s still not completely himself since he got back from Purgatory so maybe he’s seeing things.

He decides that’s what happened, since the alternative would be way worse and he hopes that isn’t the case.

Because if that _was_ Cas, then he got out of Purgatory somehow and he didn’t come to Dean after that. And, honestly, Dean doesn’t wanna think about that.

He turns the Impala on and hisses when he sees he’s running 20 minutes late and Sam will probably get suspicious. He still has to drive for 40 miles to get to the cabin he and Sam are staying at, so he has enough time to think about an excuse – and to calm himself down.

He passes his hand through his hair and takes another deep breath, driving away from that place and those thoughts.

 

VI. 

Cas doesn’t say anything for some time after they drive away from Nora’s house. Dean lets him have this moment to straighten his thoughts and drives around randomly.

When ten minutes pass and Cas still hasn’t made a sound Dean says, “Look, it’s been a long day, you’re probably tired, so why don’t I just drive you back to your place and we call it a night, huh?

Cas doesn’t answer him and Dean wonders if he’s gone into shock.

“Cas?” He says again, louder.

“I don’t have a place,” Cas says, finally.

Dean pauses. “What do you mean you don’t have a place? You work at the Gas’n’Sip, so you sleep somewhere nearby, right?”

Cass hooks his head. “I’ve been sleeping in the Gas’n’Sip since I started working there,” he says. “I haven’t found a place cheap enough to rent yet.”

That feels like a punch in Dean’s gut. He knew Cas was staying in the streets when Dean found him weeks ago, so he made sure to give him some money. He also told him to call him if he needed more money or anything else, but who would’ve thought Cas is this stubborn and wouldn’t ask for his help after Dean kicked him out? God, Dean is such a jerk.

“They have a bed there?” Dean asks. When Cas doesn’t say anything – again –, Dean presses, “Cas?”

“No, I sleep on a sleeping bag on the floor.” His voice is tense. He probably feels the angry waves coming out of Dean, because the next thing he says is, “Look, Dean, it’s fine. You can drive me there like you were planning and we’ll call it a day, okay?”

No, it isn’t fucking _okay_. Cas is sleeping on the floor in some goddamn convenience store, because Dean keeps making the wrong choices that always lead to someone he loves getting hurt.

Not only that, but he’s miserable. Dean could hear some of the things that angel said to him so he knows Cas is in pain, that it’s loud enough that the angel could hear him for miles. Sure, he knows it isn’t all on Dean and that most of it is because of how he isn’t an angel anymore, but he’s added up to it by pushing him away.

“I’m not making you sleep on the floor, Cas.” He can see Cas is about to protest so he continues, “I’m taking you to the hotel with me, okay? The room is already paid, it’ll be no trouble.”

He can hear Cas sighing, but he doesn’t say anything. It takes another ten minutes but they finally reach the hotel parking lot. It’s empty and dark the way these parking lots always are. Dean thinks Cas will be out of the car right after they stop, but he lingers in his seat until after Dean cuts off the engine.

It hits him then that Cas could’ve died tonight. If he was 5 minutes late, he would’ve found his body in that living room and that would’ve been it. They wouldn’t be sitting inside the Impala now, Dean wouldn’t be listening to Cas breathing next to him. He realizes he’s never been as afraid for Cas’ life as he’s right now.

“Cas,” he starts and looks over at him. He is facing the window but Dean can see he’s shaking. “Hey.” He touches his shoulder, asking Cas to face him.

When Cas turns, his eyes are read and he isn’t meeting Dean’s eyes, the way people do when they know they’re about to cry. “Fuck,” Dean whispers, moving his hand from Cas’ shoulder to his face. Their gazes meet and tears start spilling from Cas eyes and down his cheeks. Dean tries cleaning them with his thumb and says, “What’s wrong?”

_What isn’t wrong?_ , he thinks to himself. Cas shakes his head and looks away. “Sometimes being human is quite… overwhelming. I’m terrified because I could’ve died, and I’m happy because I’m sleeping on an actual bed tonight.”

Dean’s heart breaks into a million pieces when Cas says that. He’s thinking of a way to say how sorry he is for doing this to him, but Cas speaks again, “And since your work here is done, you’ll return to the Men of Letter’s bunker tomorrow and we’ll have to bid goodbye. Saying goodbye to you always pains me.”

He so stunned he doesn’t know what to say. His hand freezes on Cas’ face and he can’t look away. Cas must sense it, because he says, “I apologize. As I said, it can be overwhelming and I’m not used to all of these feelings in this intensity yet.”

He starts moving his face away and opening the door, but Dean stops him by his neck. “You know I don’t like saying goodbye to you too, right?” He tries to meet his eyes but Cas won’t let him. He swallows down his next words, _You know I’d give anything to have you with me_ , and instead says, “But you shouldn’t worry about angels and monsters now that you’re human. It isn’t your job anymore.”

Cas nods. He looks like he wants to say something, but the bags under his eyes show Dean how tired he is. Before he can stop himself, Dean pulls him by the neck and kisses him on the forehead. Then, he leans his forehead against Cas’ and holds his gaze. Cas’ eyes are wide and red from crying. “You’re gonna be okay. I’m not abandoning you, you know that, right?”

Cas searches his eyes for a moment and nods. They are so close Dean can feel Cas breath against his skin.

Dean moves away a few moments later. “We should head back inside and take a look at your hand. It’s probably hurting, huh?”

Cas looks so sad when he says it that Dean wonders if he said something wrong, but he nods and moves to open the car’s door. Dean wishes he could say he’ll never let Cas be this miserable again, but he’s tired of making empty promises.

 

VII.

The air feels charged while they make their way back to the motel Claire’s staying. Dean thinks it’s because of the way he treated that Ronnie guy back at the bar, but really the guy called Claire a bitch and Dean didn’t have time for the way he was pretending he didn’t know what they were talking about.

His suspicions are confirmed when Cas says, “Did you really have to attack the man like that?”

“I’m sorry, you must’ve missed the way he was calling Claire bad names and not giving us anything.” Dean rolled his eyes.

“We were at a bar, Dean,” Cas says. “Someone could’ve called the police.”

Dean laughs humorlessly. “Right, because everyone calls the cops when they see people arguing at bars, Cas.”

“That was worse than ‘arguing’, Dean.” He doesn’t make the air quotes but Dean can still hear them. “It’s just— I’m worried about the Mark.”

He’s so tired of hearing people say they’re worried about him and he’s so tired of not getting anywhere near a cure he tries not to think about the Mark most of the time. But you can always count on Sam and Cas to always remind him of how bad the whole situation is.

“Well, you already know what you have to do if I get worse,” Dean says.

“To kill you?” Cas asks, surprised. “You think I can really go through with that?”

“Why wouldn’t you go through, huh? Don’t you wanna stop me from hurting more people?” He knows it’s a low blow but he can feel that buzz under his skin that tells him the Mark is enjoying what’s happening.

“Yes, I want to get rid of the Mark, but I’m not going to kill you, Dean.”

He looks at Cas. His expression is half incredulous half sad if that makes sense, like he can’t believe Dean actually thought he could do it.

“I asked you because I know you can see more reason than Sam in these situations, because he’s my brother and he would never—”

“And you think I would?” He takes a deep breath. “I’m not your brother but I do care about you, Dean. Probably more than you think.”

His breath catches on his throat but he tries to keep his voice normal. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I raised you from Hell, I built your body from scratch, I could see how bright your soul is since the first day we’ve met—,” Dean scoffs at that, “And I’ve stood by your side for the last six years—”

“Cas, you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I love you.” When he meets Cas’ eyes they’re wide and so full of love Dean feels like he’s gonna drown. “And I’ll help you get through the Mark, but not like this.”

Dean looks back at the road but his mind is going 80 miles per hour. He tries to swallow the lump on his throat and blink away the sting on his eyes. “Dammit, Cas.”

He feels Cas touching his knees lightly. “I love you, Dean. And we’ll find a way out of this together – you, me and Sam.”

Dean nods. He takes one hand off the wheel and puts it over Cas’ hand. “Okay.”

Cas brings their hands to his mouth and kisses the back of Dean’s.

Dean feels lighter than he has in weeks.

 

VIII.

He calls Cas about halfway home when Sam asks to stop so he can go to the bathroom.

He stops in a gas station in the middle of nowhere. The night’s falling and he feels like shit. He knows Sam probably feels exactly like him so he thinks it’s probably best to stop somewhere to spend the night – with proper beds this time.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Hey, Cas. Just wanted to let you know we’re done with the hunt but we’ll only get back home tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Cas says. “Everything went well?”

“Yeah, you were right about the coin and the alpha thing. We killed him and people went back to normal.”

“Good, that’s good,” he says. “Sorry it wasn’t the werepire you kept talking about.”

Dean gasps and widens his eye. “Dude. You said it.”

“Yes, Dean.” He sounds like he’s completely done with Dean but he can hear a tone of fondness. “I said it earlier too, but I guess you were too busy trying to kill the deputy to hear it.”

 If Cas were here with him, Dean would most likely be kissing him right now.

Cas continues talking, “I’m glad to hear you’re both okay.” He hears a thump sound on Cas’ end.

“What’re you doing?”

Being away from Cas still annoys him, but he knows it was for the best that he didn’t come with him and Sam this time. Now that they’re back to their old selves Dean can’t help but feel a little hope inside his chest, as if maybe they can try being something this time – even if Dean doesn’t know exactly what. There’s still the Darkness and Metatron’s still out there, but can’t help but feel optimistic about this.

“Nothing, just—” Another noise and Cas curses under his breath, making Dean laugh. “I was trying to cook something but I don’t think I’m doing it right.”

“What’re you trying to cook?” It’s not like Cas eats and they won’t be back until the next day.

“Nothing.”

“Cas.”

He sighs. “Okay, fine. I’m trying to bake a pie but it is harder than those Youtube videos make it seem.”

Dean doesn’t even know where to start understanding that sentence so he says dumbly, “Youtube?”

“Yes, Dean. I’m sure you’ve heard of it.”

“And pie?”

“I thought you liked pie.” He can hear Cas frowning through the phone.

“I do. I just— Why?”

“I wanted to make something for you to make up for the fact that you won’t let me heal you,” he speaks fast like he’ll lose the courage to say those things if he doesn’t rush, “and I respect your wishes, I just don’t think this is necessary. You don’t have to atone to anything, Dean.”

Dean doesn’t know what to say to that. That maybe that’s what Cas thinks but he still can’t stop feeling guilty over everything he did and undeserving of Cas’ sympathy? They’ll end up arguing if he says anything and he really doesn’t need it right now. And where the fuck is Sam?

“What’s the pie flavor?” He asks instead.

Cas sighs again, probably annoyed with Dean’s change of subject and says, “Apple. It seems to be the most traditional one, right?”

“Yeah,” Dean says. “I like apple pie.”

“Good. I hope I’ll have one ready when you come home tomorrow.”

_Home_. Their home.

“Now you’re just making me think of ditching sleep so I can get back faster.” He can see his brother coming back to the car.

“Please don’t. I want you back soon, but I want you whole.”

Dean swallows. “Yeah, okay.” Sam opens the door and gets in. He notices Dean’s on the phone and frowns, asking who it is. “Listen, Cas, I gotta go. Sam’s back and we still have some miles to go before stopping for the night.”

“Okay,” he answers. “Travel safe.”

“Yeah.”

They stay on the line for a few moments, like there’s something they should say right now that’s missing.

“Okay, bye.” He finishes the call before it gets more awkward than it already is.

“Wow,” Sam says. “You two are so eloquent.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Shut up, Sam.”

When he pulls out of the gas station, he can only think of Cas waiting for him at home.

**Author's Note:**

> I. set after 4.10 "Heaven and Hell"  
> II. set during 5.03 "Free to be You and Me"  
> III. set after 6.15 "The French Mistake"  
> IV. set during 7.04 "Defending Your Life"  
> V. set during 8.07 "A Little Slice of Kevin"  
> VI. set during 9.06 "Heaven Can't Wait"  
> VII. set during 10.20 "Angel Heart"  
> VIII. set after 11.04 "Baby"


End file.
